Og's Blog: Daughters and Dads

Come on in boy, sit on down
And tell me 'bout yourself
So you like my daughter, do you now
Yeah we think she's something else
She's her daddy's girl
and her mama's world
She deserves respect,
that's what she'll get,
ain't it son
Now y'all run along and have some fun
I'll see you when you get back
Bet I'll be up all night
Still cleaning this gun

Now personally, I don't know much about Rodney Atkins.

And there are, admittedly, some rather large areas of modern country music that I just do not know much about, nor feel drawn to explore.

That's not a good or a bad, it's just - to phrase it in countrified talk - "it's just a is."

But tonight I feel compelled to talk about daddy's and their girls.

Tonight I was referred to as a "second dad", a term of incredible honour that I do not take lightly.

I wrote a paper on the topic recently about the issue of female teams with male coaches.

And I have been deeply moved this week by a story of father / daughter disconnect, of two good people (I actually only know one, and she is outstanding. I assume the dad is a wonderful person as well.)

So I look at the Atkins lyric above and I reflect.

That is not how I see the relationship between myself and my daughter (or "daughters" if the concept of "second dad" holds past the weekend).

Staying up all night cleaning a gun readying myself for the eventuality that some punk ass kid has stolen my baby away and has to be dealt with.

hmm.

While I might have felt like that at times, I can't imagine being like that. I dunno, maybe I was but I wasn't aware. But the lyric just doesn't sit right with me.

I was probably a little too much the other way - giving a lot of freedoms but keeping a watchful eye, hoping she would make good choices all the time knowing -eventually - she would.

And I was right, despite the innumerable mistakes I made along the way..

And yet the story of disconnect between my friend and her father moves me.

I find it indescribably puzzling how a dad could not want to be a major part of his daughter's life. And not just because the individual in the story above is a wonderful person. She is more than that. She is talented, dedicated, thoughtful, and driven to be successful. She possesses a will to laugh, has a great BS detector, and calls a spade a shovel. She is great company and a joy to know. I truly hope we will always be close.

She is also conflicted in her personal wants and needs, and stands at a bit of a crossroads in her life right now. She needs a dad. She needs her dad. I hope at some point she - or he - reach out for the other.

It's is hard to maintain a supportive dad position without becoming a major hovering pain in the ass. That is the theme of the lyric of Adkins, and as clever as the lyric is, and as popular as the notion of DAD the PROTECTOR is, it is a position that is doomed to fail.

Daughters need dads - and they also need dads to leave them alone when requested.

Still, dads have a tough time letting go of their little buddy, the neat-o kid that rode around on their shoulders and actually sought them out - but the moment they do they begin the process of hanging on to their daughters in a new and much more powerful way.

Roots can't run deep if you constantly take them out of the soil to examine them. Just pour water, stand back, and admire.

I admit that I admire my daughter every day.

And if some new kid on the block wants to call me her second dad, I am good with that, too. The more people you put in your heart, the bigger it grows.

I know I might take a little bit of flak about the musical choice here -

but its my blog, pathetic as it might be, so here is

Paul Simon: Father and Daughter, with a stikingly simple visual.