"Wait a second - Father Hennessy is going to tell us about Sex?"

Sex was a big deal in our house. Not that we ever discussed it, read about it, or asked questions, but it was all around us. Dad had ten kids, after all, and they had to come about somehow. The Catholic rhythm method worked to a "T" - kids popped out in a steady beat for a decade and a half. Proper words to describe anatomy and physiology were encouraged, street terms strongly discouraged. Not that I ever heard anyone use "vagina" or "coitus" within earshot, but I didn't hear those "other" words either until I was out of the house. For my first eleven years I pretty much relied on scraps of information I could gather and sorted them in my head the best way I could: References from magazines, including one in the bush at Roger's Creek Park, jokes that barely made sense (there was this kid named Johnny F**erfaster... that ended with the punch line I'm tryin' ma. I'm tryin'") talk on the "street" that really did little but heighten curiosity (Ricky asking me if I knew what the baddest swear word was - of course I had no idea but was very eager to learn but terrified it might create a venial sin that would force an uncomfrotable talk in the confessional next Saturday. "Bugger," he whispered, and images of thousands of tiny skin crawling bugs flooded my confused brain.) At fifteen I walked in on my mom and dad in "flagrantus dilectus". In my defense my adult mind wonders who keeps the sock drawer in their room in they want privacy? Apparently the two squinting sets of eyes at the edge of the sea of pink had the answer, but i went sockless that evening. But by the time I was fifteen I had already been sex educated by the finest St. Peter's Catholic School had to offer four years before. Mrs. P. told us we were going to take home a consent form to parents so we could regroup with the grade sevens - girls with Sister Lucille and Sister Mercy, boys with Father Hennessy. Hennessy was cool. He often ended homilies with "say a prayer for our beloved BC Lions, they are playing at Taylor Field in Regina this week and they are going to need all the help they can get." Hennesy was also a priest. I didn't know much about sex but I was unsure how he could enlighten me given his current line of work. But there was the promise of more. Visual aids. A feature film we were going to watch called From Boy to Man. Our excitement was almost as palpable as our fear. Sitting in a room with the grade seven boys looking at a film about sex. I knew i was not alone in my fear of looking stupid and ignorant. Happily, no single emotion in an eleven year old boy lasts very long, and it wasn't long before my anxiety was overtaken by an intense curiosity caused by the news that the girls were going to see a film of their own called, sensibly, From Girl to Woman PLUS they were going to see our film too PLUS they were getting a BOOK! I don't believe eleven and twelve year old boys are resentful by nature, but this seemed patently unfair. Two movies AND a book. What was in their movie? Why did they get to see both and we only got one? And what was in that book? The grade seven entrepreneurs were determine to find out and we were willing to go along with them. They had a plan. We grade sixes followed along. The big day came and a deal was struck; we would would cough up ten cents each, pool the money and buy one of the books, and take turns revelling in our illustrated forbidden zone. Rumours were that there were drawings of real women - photos even - of 'down there'. Ten cents would buy a lot of vanilla wafers in our school cafeteria. A half pint of chocolate milk and five wafers for ten cents. We're talking a major exchange, a huge sacrifice, but well worth it to get to see that book. But first "the film", the Rosetta Stone to answer all my questions. It didn't answer many. In fact it only added more: > why is that kid showering with his underpants on? > who eats that much bacon? > why are there cartoon arrows shooting out of the cartoon penis? > how do I prevent acne and stop hair from growing all over my body? (My friend Clayton soon after shaved his entire body to prevent such a disaster. By fourteen he had a full beard and hair all over his back) > how does a ring and a marriage create babies? Does the gold give off some kind of baby ready hormone? or is it a diamond thing? (I think that one had more to do with Hennessy than the film. It was pretty much a blur by then). Film over, I couldn't wait for lunch. The film was of little help, but the book deal was going down. I knew books. I trusted books. I had looked up every sexual thing I could think of in the big dictionary we had in the living room at home. I'd scoured the Book of Knowledge for precious scraps of information. Lunch that day was without Vanilla Wafers. By the time I got to the playground the grade seven boys were already wandering off and leaving "the book" with some of the grade six boys. They had the book. I was going to see it!! Eagerly, but not rudely, I moved closer. More puzzlement. It had pictures all right, and diagrams and charts and calendars. I searched it cover to cover - twice. Nothing made sense. My day had become one of unrequited hope, disappointment not bitter but confusingly empty. Questions. So many questions. I couldn't shake the sense that the adults were holding out on us, that either there was no big deal to this whole sex thing, or it was such a big deal that if they let us in on it we wouldn't ever do anything else. "Go upstairs and change out of your school clothes, and then come down and help peel potatoes for supper, " Mom said. I did as I was asked. "Did you see the movie today?" Holy cow! Mom worked at the school. She was somewhat aware of what kind of day I'd had. "Yes," terror and dread creeping into my soul. It suddenly occurred to me that I might have to talk to my own mother about this topic. "Any questions?" came the tentative voice from down the stairs. Any Questions? Only about a million! Arrows, greasy food, when can we have bacon again, how do I stop the nasty hair thing, who is going to pay for the razors, how does peeing fit into the topic, why did the girls get a book with charts and calendars and diagrams that look like cow heads?????? "No." "Okay. Come down and start peeling potatoes."